100. Top 10 of 2008

#1. Detektivbyran - Wermland

I have come very far in three months. My 100 albums reviews before 2009 was birthed out of a recording slip during a recording of Transmission Protocol. It was a lame attempt at a publicity stunt but instead of redoing the recording, I decided to leave it in. No one was listening to the podcast, so It wasn't that much of a task. 100 albums reviews from Halloween to New Years, which rounded out to about 2 reviews a day.no one would of cared if I did completed 100. but I was urged by my brother Epileptic Peat to stop being a girl and finish what I started. During this year I listened to more records than I wrote about and everyone was easy to pin down and label. Dubstep, grime, black metal, hard rock and swiss yodeling were all common styles which applied to these artists. Detektivbyran is not new. They have been releasing EPs and compilation albums since early 2007. Wermland is the first proper LP. I have always liked to stray away from the description of genreless. Whenever hearing the phrase "our band does not fit conventional labels" usually means they are modern rock and I got duped into watching their band on a Friday night. I hate the term genreless. Everything can be classified. Some are just harder than others. Mr. Bungle, Secret Chiefs 3, Tom Waits all can be shoved into a closet with a piece of paper on the door; its just harder than others. Detektivbyran plays with a glockenspiel, toy piano, acordian and drums. I can only call their music genreless because I do not think we have found the words to describe this type of music. Some people may remember their Sprint commercial while other people may remember Epileptic Peat mentioning their video in his online interview. interviews. Some comparisons have been made between their sound and Yann Tiersan, or that "guy that did the Amelie music." Detektivbyran's very incomplete wikipedia page labels their music as "folk/electronic." Detektivbyran could be folk music; for a country or culture we have not yet discovered. That would make sense. A culture were there may or may not be gnomes who live in hallowed trees. These gnomes may not be enchanted and who are only seen at night from the glow emitting from their bellies. Wermland, is not a perfect record. In fact the transition between tracks is a little disjointed and certain tracks can feel "very familiar to others on the record. however despite these flaws, the quality in each of these tracks far surpasses anything made this year. It is one of those albums which is perfect in its own sense; music to accompany a carousel...at the end of the universe.

99. Top 10 of 2008

#2. Sporto Kantes - 3 At Last

Sporto Kantes was born out of the electronic wave which hit Europe hard and dirty in the mid 1990's. I imagine lots of vespas, cigarettes, sex and large dusty mirrors during that time. Begun as a drum and bass duo, Sporto Kantes started to play softer electronic music and eventually fell into the downtempo genre. Slowly, they evolved into a strange electronic fusion of Brazilian, jazz and hip hop. Between their incomplete Wikipedia page and lack of translated interviews, Sporto Kantes still remain a mystery to the larger public despite their heavy circulated "Whistle" video. 3 At Last, their third, is a slideshow of European obscurities and obscure world music segmented by hip hop and bossa-novan vocals. Since little is known about the duo, I cannot estimate how much of 3 At Last is sampled versus sung. I once saw a lo-fi video of the members singing in laundromat. It sounded a little like the vocals on this record. I can guess 3 At Last is in the vein of Girl Talk, if every sample was from records you never knew existed. Regardless, 3 At Last successfully synthesizes the purest parts of the "world" genre without making it "exotic." This cosmopolitan quality makes the record so refreshing, I started to view my Putumayo series in a more negative light. This record makes me feel I live in Paris, circa 1994 whilst riding my vespa down the Rue Malebranche at night with an unfiltered cigarette tightly pressed in my lips. Its time to go clubbing.

98. Top 10 of 2008

#3. Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
Much like the Bug, Crystal Castles is favored by my love of a niche genre. Bitpop, Chiptune, Gamewave, 8-bit are used interchangeably, but all relate to an electronic style of music which uses the nostalgic sounds of outdated computer software. The most common style is using sound cards from old gaming consoles to manipulate the sounds. This type of music is very distinct and varies from old game remixes to original works constructed in 8bit. While perceived as a gimmick which tires easily, the third album of 2008 manages to not only keep your interest but move past some of the old trappings which has plagued chiptune (game devotion, repetition, dullness). Crystal Castles is a Canadian duo who have bridged the gap between the gaming world and the outside world of people who do not really listen to cool music. People, who have never known about a gaming scene, are now listening to chiptune, or "that music that sounds like super mario." That's okay. I for one do not support trash thrown on bands who manage to connect with a larger audience since their album is fantastic and can be applied to so many different social scenarios. So, its alright to enjoy this. Do not worry, it'll be along time before things are reversed and all of the cool music is on top.

97. Top 10 of 2008

#4. The Bug - London Zoo
#4 and #3 in my list are unfair albums based around enjoyment for a particular genre. Not to say these two albums do not have individual merit, they do but because of their advantage I am sequestering them below the top two spots. This year I really got into Dubstep. Last year it was a fleeting interest, but this year it hit big. It was the hottest newcomer in my life. I'm not going to deny my interest in a fresh genre which is gaining strength among the underground. I'm not going to deny I feel 10 times cooler when listening to it. I listened to alot of Dubstep this year and still did not have time to keep up with the massive flux of new singles. While I listened to alot of singles this year I have kept very few songs. The problem with some to the majority of Dubstep is that it can be repetitive. Tracks are filled with wobbling bass and the same dark back beat which is amazing for the first minute but drags the last three. This is why I find The Bug's (aka Pressure) album, London Zoo so rewarding. Not only does The Bug have an unmatched backdrop but he has a rotating cast of grime singers to provide variation to each track. London Zoo is yet another milestone in the coolest genre you have never heard before. Below is one track from London Zoo, one amazing remix by the venerable Skream, one preview and an early track by The Bug. I tried using Lala but I couldn't get the track to play more than previews, so I had to wade through insanity with playlist.com.

Ridiculous copyrighted streaming music site + 1
Kaptain Carbon - 1

Oh Muxtape how I miss you.

96. Top 10 of 2008

#5. Girl Talk - Feed The Animals
I played this album at a party a couple weeks ago and someone asked if this was the radio. Meaning on certain stations, mashups are played on the weekend. I concluded Girl Talk was not any different in the way mash ups are done compared to local DJs. However, there was something else in Girl Talk, something I liked alot. Despite Girl Talk being a thousand better at his craft than any other Mashup artist Ive heard, there exists something else; a thesis. Local Djs on your hot 101 radio station crunch popular songs for the express purpose of dance. Songs are compared by BPM and thrown together. Girl Talk does the same thing but there is more of a theme present in Feed The Animals. The majority of samples used has been a popular songs at one point in some scene of music experience. While the scope of music ranges back to the Beach Boys, the majority of front samples is Hip Hop with a background of classic pop songs (with some obscurities hiding in corners). So anything you have heard a thousand times on the radio is used again. The record sounds like a colossal failure. But it's not. Feed The Animal's focus is so structured and makes such a distinctive comment on commercial satiation, it surpasses the majority of original music made this year. (not to say this is not original...well...ah fuck it.) Everything which is popular is apart of the same character, hence why so many songs could fit together. The use of Nirvana's "Lithium" feels okay rather than a more obscure song like "Negative Creep." These songs seem to have found new life in a Girl Talk record and make listening to mainstream music acceptable...in a hip ironic way. This record pushes the agenda of short term nostalgia, and obliterates the gap of time between cool and uncool and drops the banner reading "everything you loved is cool again."

Below is the videos for "In Step," "Shut The Club Down" and it's follow up track "Still Here." done unofficially by Youtube user "bunnygreenhouse." The user creates a visualization for Feed the Animals by splicing together the video singles. If you enjoy this song, then you will enjoy the nearly hour long pop pandemonium which is this record. It is hard not to smile to not only the recognition of the majority of songs but how fucking awesome it is when they all fit together. Finally, post-modernity is now fun and danceable.

95. Top 10 of 2008

#6. Protest The Hero - Fortress
#6. This is where things get monumental and albums are chosen based on over all merit. In hindsight, MGMT's Oracular Spectacular should have been further up on this list, perhaps even switched with Lindstrom. However, Where You Go I Go Too had more of an overall thesis rather than a collection of catchy hits. Certain albums are always in constant flux and will rise and fall. One album which has been permanently stuck at number #6 is space age metalcore giants, Protest The Hero. I downloaded this album after reading raving reviews from various sources and was not disappointed. It was late in January and for an entire weekend, my roommate and I played this album on repeat. At one point we noticed our albums were only a couple of seconds off from each other. My girlfriend came down for the weekend and walked into our apartment to this album in full stereo. I had that wide eyed stare; the stare I usually get when I have to tell everyone I know about an album. Protest The Hero is incredibly slick without sacrificing song structure or credibility. The perfect ratio of guitar prowess and ungodly vocal hooks makes Fortress a knockout.

Sequoia Throne from Fortress
(yes...their videos have always been lame)

94. Top 10 of 2008

#6. Lindstrøm - Where You Go, I Go Too

There is a niche style in art and fashion called "retro-future." The idea of retro future is to adopt and celebrate the future imaged by past generations. What is interesting about retro future is the future imaged by past generations was always limited by the barrier of present technology. Thus the world envisioned by the 1950's ;looked like a hyper spun version of the 1950's. IT is almost impossible to fully predict the curves of progression. Retro futures are very optimistic and share traits to the dystopia futures in science fiction. This is the future at peace. Norwegian producer HP Lindstrøm has created an album so retro futuristic it has a sound which makes me think of 2001 from 1976. Where You Go I Go Too is full of small blinking lights from huge consoles and laser beams crossing each other in a brilliant display of ingenuity. The album is a seamless piece broken into pieces. My experience with this album came at the window seat on an elevated subway. It was raining that day and the raindrops spidered across the glass. It was incredible. Below is an edited version of the last track entitled "the Long Way Home."

93. Top 10 of 2008

#7. The Mae Shi - HLLYH

At one time The Mae Shi were a jangled clusterfuck of experimental noise and yelps. People really liked them. Alot. The Los Angeles group released HLLYH much to the chagrin of long time fans and surprise of newcomers. HLLYH takes the jagged pieces and constructs into something cohesive. Hllyh's transition from extreme to subdued insanity is the choice which cements some albums in greatness (see California by Mr. Bungle). Punk rock has always been avant and challenging to pre-established conventions. However, over time, punk has become a genre just like any other style of music complete with stock sounds and fashions. Nothing is surprising anymore. The Mae Shi take the punk rock attitude and DIY aesthetic and apply it to electropop, making the punk album sounds more like a drunken sing along at a computer expo. While the entire album is almost flawless including the 12 minute electronic epic "Kingdom Come," I have decided to provide you with a shorter track called "Young Marks."

92. Top 10 of 2008

#9. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular

I really enjoyed this album...I fucking loved this album. Despite everyone eye rolls at the constant attention and support from Kevin Spacey's shadowy card tutorials, Glam Rock revival duo MGMT (The Management) shattered my 2008 with glitter and excess. For a good two months this album was on constant repeat causing many of eye rolls from my girlfriend; who incidentally despises Oracular Spectacular but can sing every lyric to its songs. Why not revive the space opera sexually androgynous times of the early 70's? Everything that once was...is again.

Kids from Oracular Spectacular

91. Top 10 of 2008

#10. Russian Circles - Station

Second proper release from Post-metal..err rock duo Russian Circles who had been straddling the fence between contemporary post rock and contemporary post metal. To most people the distinction is ridiculous, but to others a clear stylistic change has been made with Station from Enter. The melodic crescendos, in this release, are more awe inspiring and the punches from the dark are heavier and more beautiful. It took me awhile to appreciate this album. While not as initially trapping, its staying power through the longs months have earned it a place among the top 10.

Station from Station

90. My Second Album of 2009

Sepultura - A- Lex

Holy shit, its Sepultura and they look fucking pissed. Sepultura is a Brazilian groove metal outfit who have had numerous line up changes and reunions since their inception in 1984. A-Lex (released in January) has at least two of the original members. A-Lex is the second concept album by Sepultra since 2006. The first, Dante XXI, was based around the three books of Dantes Divine comedy. What? How in the world did I miss that album. It sounds like something I crafted in my head when I was in High School. Damn it. Following the critical success of Dante XXI is A-Lex, which is based on the Alexander Burgess masterpiece, A Clockwork Orange. Okay. Oh I get it. A-Lex...Alex. Why did it take me so long to get the pun This has to be a joke. This sounds like the second album I thought of during English class. The album is very straightforward and very reminiscent of Strapping Young Lad. Yep, everything is going according to plan...time to end the album..wait..no your not going to do it...no...it cant work...what are you doing...NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Because A Clockwork Orange tribute isn't complete without Beethoven, Sepultura has taken it upon them selves to "metal up" the second and fourth movement of The Ninth Symphony. (both were used in the film) This selection and arrangment would be good...if it wasn't so well...stupid. When I say stupid, I mean so hilariously pompous and out of place, I almost spit cereal out of my mouth while typing this review. Its true, I like a big bowl of Cap'n Crunch when I write about music. How did Yngwie Malmsteen get into the studio? Who gave him bolt cutters which granted him late night access? Who let him put a song on the album? Sitting at the end of the album is "Ludwig Van," a song which is so unlike anything on the album, I'm debating whether or not it makes it worse...or a million times better. Below is "We Lost You, " obviously describing the hopeless nature of Alex's criminal behavior from A-Lex. I couldn't find "Ludwig Van," but I'm sure we will hear more from this album in the future.

89. My First Album Of 2009

Andrew Bird - Noble Beast

Oh what a pleasant surprise to find that the new release from multi instrumentalist, which is suppose to come out January, was..somehow...misplaced in the office and ended up on the internet, today. Somewhere two men, after a traffic collision, accidentally switched briefcases and low and behold we are treated to Mr. Bird's new work; Noble Beast. If Andrew Bird is reading this, I swear to god I am going to buy your vinyl when it is released and whenever you are playing in DC, my girlfriend and I will see you play. Please do not hate me. Since his days as Andrew Bird's Bowl Of Fire, his music has been shifting from a gypsy jazz throwback to some strange concoction of indie rock and singer songwriter melancholy. I hate to use the two most over used terms in the history of music, but it is. Our music is like a rock explosion in the center of a pile of scrap metal. Noble Beast continues what was established on the previous two records; structured sadness which is somehow timeless but weathered. I am always reminded of the 1900's when listening to Andrew Bird. Maybe its the violin which reminds me of the "slow aire." Maybe it is because Andrew Bird is a magician who really died Fin De Siecle was the time in which you died and were reborn as a white wizard. Whatever the case, Noble Beast is a monumental statement in the very stale singer songwriter genre. Wow... an acoustic guitar and singing can sound good; and not boring like watching a guy play Wallflower covers at your local coffee shop. Andrew bird...can you possibly save this genre? Your cover art is amazing and is exactly what I think about when listening to your music. Thank you for giving me an album I can look forward to writing about in my "Best Albums of 2009."

88. 2008 Awards

Worst Disgrace By An Artist

Three Doors Down - Citizen / Soldier
Kid Rock - American Warrior

If these two artists didn't need anymore reason to be disliked by me; they have found a way step further down the ladder. These artists are among the blacklisted; the far point beyond disgrace and banished from my eyes. It is not anything to do with my personal views on military occupation. To say that Kid Rock has disgraced his name by making a song for the nation Guard is not saying much for his current reputation. He was awful before...now he is more awful than before. I should say 3 Doors Down and Kid Rock are now below passing kidney stones. I had to sit through these videos before the previews for my movies. Damn it, I paid to hear this song. These Citizen Soldier songs emotionless hallow recruitment songs aimed at an impressionable population. I can see how someone would be duped into believing they could be the Conan of the desert.; fighting sand worms and monsters of the Near East. Recruitment videos do not enrage me as much as these songs. The Citizen Soldier campaign is so thin in its disguise it is like a guy hiding behind a flag pole. STOP. Just come out. I can see you. A video of someone screaming at me me to join the military is less obtrusive than a recruitment video disguised as a song. These videos and the lyrics are so bad; they are almost laughable and would fit if someone was parodying recruitment videos. Kid rock's song draw lines in the sand against supporters and the indifferent:

So don't tell me who's wrong and right
When liberty starts slipping away
And if you ain't gonna fight
Get out of the way

while 3 Doors Down's song make a case for subtle glory:

Hope and pray that you never need me the rest assured, I
will not let you down
I walk beside you but you may not see me
The strongest among you may not were a crown

Damn Straight. American Warrior. Fuck Yeah. Give me my tank. Lets find Osama. I am not saying the left wing doesn't have its share of terrible songs. I could cough up about ten punk bands from suburban towns who have the word Bush and Hitler in the same song. While the anti-war's world is clouded in robots, puppet governments and slavery, the pro-war mind is filled with these cheesy views of heroism and understated pride. Maybe I just like the anti-war's music a little better. Sure it has its share of folk and tom Morello; but it is alot better than the other side. While i laugh at t he cliches thrown around b y anti-war songwriters; it is nowhere near the absurdity of pro-war moral songs.

i

87. 2008 Awards

Album I Wished I Liked Less

Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend

The antithesis of Album I wished I liked more is the Album I Wished I Liked Less. Not because Vampire Weekend is incredibly popular and radio friendly or people are vomiting their self titled debut album on every short list from here to Sheboygan, it's because there is little to say about Vampire Weekend which hasn't been said. We All know they have a delightful mix of world music and light indie rock.

Just get the album. Play it everyday when you wake up and never talk about it again.

86. 2008 Awards

Album I Wished I Liked More

Darkspace - III

So when I say An album I wish I could Like more, that Is not saying I dislike the album. Not Entirely. These are "intellectual albums" rather than "party albums." Yes, they will not feed your kegger, but they will get you laid by the artsy girl who works at the library. Well maybe not. There are albums which stimulate your intellectual side rather than the basic need to be entertained. These are albums which could be written about extensively in a masters thesis but which you rarely play at home. These are the bands you spend more time talking about than actually listening to; Jangly Art Rock, Ambient Electronic, Free Jazz, Drone, Found Sounds, Progressive Rock. Darkspace narrowly beat out Austrian Ambient alchemist Ferrenz for Top Album I Wished I Liked More. While Ferrenz's meditations on loneliness and noise were a contender, it was the third installment what appears to be a trilogy (I ,II,III) for Darkspace, the space obsessed swiss black metal outfit. This is not just your standard winter obsessed Black Metal, this is Black Metal attempting to explore and recreate the nothingness of space. The nothingness of space? So this is more about Lovecraft than Tolkien. Our pilots for this journey are Wroth, Zhaaral and Zorgh. To be fair, Darkspace's alias are no more absurd than the majority of Norwegian Black Metal members. III has everything you could want. Numbers instead of track names. Minimal artwork. Songs which stretch to nearly 10 minutes. A concept which explores the cold reaches of space! Obscurity! Mystery! Its true that I have only listened to this album once, in parts over the course of a few months, but I love it...Well i Love talking about it and writing blog posts about this band.



Darkspace should not be confused with Darkplace...the best show ever made

85. 2008 Awards

Best Song Of 2008

Secret Chiefs 3 (with John Zorn) - Barakiel

Barakiel has dominion over 80 legions. The Almadel of Solomon portrays Barakiel as one of the chief angels of the altitudes with dominion over lightning. Barakiel is one of the mightiest God's reapers who hunt evil and protect innocents. He is over 130,000 years old. His announcement is a long walk on his special place, a forest where people's prayers appear on the trunks of the trees.

Xaphan is an album by Bay Area experimentalists, Secret Chiefs 3. The album was written by avant American composer John Zorn and then interpreted by Secret Chiefs 3. This type of project has been going on for a while with Zorn and other bands. Xaphan is the ninth record in the series. Anyone familiar with secret chiefs 3 will notice Xaphan feels subdued and thin compared to other masterpieces such as Book Of Horizons and Book M. Through all of the minimalist meanderings through strange musical deserts, there are a few songs on Xaphan which stand out. One in particular, Barakeil, happens to be the best song of 2008. The introduction of Barakiel is built up through waves which suddenly break into lounge driven quest through dried up deserts at sunsets. While instrumentals offer so much in terms of subjective imagery, Barakeil is specific in its imagery to Pre-60's modernism mixed with classical Middle Eastern folklore. Maybe it is the vocal harmonies that made this song climb up the ranks of 2008. Friends and family know thatt I am partial to any song with nondescript acappella as a backdrop. The Ohh's And Ahhs. I imagine a road lined with singers which stretch into the technicolor sunset. They sing me on my way in a sadnned but optomistic voice as I drive my new Plymouth Road Runner into the unknown.

84. 2008 Awards

Most Surprising Album From An Artist I Used To Despise

Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I-IV

I have always had a love/hate/more hate relationship with Nine Inch Nails. In high school, when the Downward Spiral was released, whatever Trent did, it was the best thing that had ever graced my ears. Every artist, who had a hand in that album, including the guy who delivered pizza to the studio, was God. I searched countless record stores to complete my Halo collection, amassing numerous blue Wall stickers to decorate my bedroom door. I used to argue with my brother about the validity of five remixes per album. “At The Heart Of It All used to scare my parents while I drew emaciated charcoal pictures of Jesus Christ. It was a strange time of darkness, despair and black lipstick.

The Fragile was released in my first year of college. Now fingernail polish less and more optimistic, I formed a personal relationship with the “left side” of the disc along with the macro floral photography which adorned the packaging. It appeared Trent Reznor had grown with me and now was becoming more honest with his emotions. Long gone were the days of empty hate anthems. I used to fantasize about what the next album would look like. I heard rumors Trent Reznor studied Chinese philosophy in preparation for the new album. I heard the entire album was going to be white with no lyrics or pictures. All instrumental. I even heard the ever allusive Tapeworm Project was finally going to come together and make the record of the century. I thought this wasn’t going to be an album, but a lifelong decision you would have to make before buying. This is going to be awesome.

6 years later

...after listening to With Teeth, I watched television for 3 hours.

With Teeth made about the same splash any album can make when it is four years over due. I was expecting an album that would bring the music foundation to its knees. What I got was b-sides from every Nine Inch Nails record. Sorry that was a little harsh. What is got was shitty b-sides from every Nine Inch Nails record. Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I was expecting Mr. Reznor to make an album for adults in their mid 20's. Obviously not. So I said goodbye to Nine Inch Nails. I did not even raise my head when various remixes surfaced. During the whole viral marketing campaign for Year Zero, I was mildly interested but then saw a bee buzzing around a flower. I saw the review for Year Zero on Pitchfork but then decided to watch internet pornography instead. Who gives a shit? You are dead to me Mr. Reznor, you and your 20 side projects.

One year later.

What?
Ghosts I-IV?
Underground release?
Four disc volume?
All Instrumental with no track listing?
Fine..give it to me.

Ghosts I-IV is split into four instrumental sections which all continuously run into each other. No song titles. No album breaks. No Intermission. Just an entrance, an exit and a maze of xylophones, noise, drum tracks and distortion. Besides the use of piano in the first section, there is nothing to distinguish your place in this album. Tonight, while I slumber, the entire album could be rearranged and I would clueless to any digital maleficence. Unlike most albums where one can distinguish landmarks, this album is like wading through a murky stream at night, while trying to get a foothold among rocks and sleeping amphibians. While I mention the album’s complete lack of direction, I enjoyed it for the same reason. The songs are indistinguishable from each other which makes it what Trent Reznor said it would be: “a soundtrack for daydreaming.” Sporadic, idiosyncratic and completely enveloping. Ghosts I-IV has achieved what the past two records have failed to do: make me care about listening to Nine Inch Nails..

I have always fantasized about rearranging albums for popular bands. How I would do things different, if given the chance to meddle with history. For starters, Interpol’s Turn on the Bright Lights would be the darker follow up to their radio friendly debut Antics. Radiohead’s Kid A and Amnesiac would come packaged as a double album followed by a hiatus and then In Rainbows. Metallica’s Black Album would be the posthumous memorial after their tragic plane accident and Ghosts 1-IV would be the album to come after The Fragile. Nine Inch Nails popularity and strong underground fan base, after The Fragile, would have been enough to support the Ghosts’ experimental ambiance. The ambiance itself would be a continuation of The Fragile’s direction. Ghosts' length would be enough to justify a six year gap of idle time and weightlifting.

While this is just a fantasy, one song near the end of the album stands out and gives me reason to someone else thinks the same way. "34 Ghosts IV" is a beautiful rearrangement of “The Great Below,” from The Fragile. Its placement at the end within the more structural instrumental pieces gives it the tune of finality and punctuation. Listening to this song is stunning and gives me the chance to listen to an album I had crafted in my head 9 years ago.

34 Ghosts IV

83. 2008 Awards

Worst Song Of 2008...possibly ever

Millionaires - Alcohol

Sweet Jesus Son of Mary and Joseph, Staten Island has risen to become the new Sodom and Gomorrah.

Your referencing hip hop culture but you are three white girls? I don't get it. Your white. why the...Oh I see!! You are poking fun at hip hop culture and their "bling." Oh yeah becasue no one has made fun of hip hop artists. Uou know what would also be cool, wearing your pants low and tricking out your station wagon. You see because hip hop artists are black and we taker their fashion to show how ridiculous it is! If there was ever a song that crystallized my hatred for soulless party girls and their shitty taste in music, clothes and life choices, "Alcohol" would be the sound of my personal torment. Not only is this song meaningless in context but the lyrics are so banal hitting yourself with a Punky Brewster trapper keeper makes more sense and derives more pleasure. It is not even the ironic "so bad its good," its the "it's so bad and I feel so sad for the unborn." In my worst dreams, I would be dating one of these girls and just for a second I would contemplate staying with her for another two months to piggyback on their success. That second of judgment sends shivers down my spine.

82. 2008 Awards

Most Disappointing Album From A Band I Used To Love

The Sword - Gods Of The Earth

It pains me to even write these words. Before everything the Sword, a stoner metal revival, was amazing. Before Guitar Hero was metal for suburban tweens. Before Metallica and the arena rock tour. Before everyone decided, as a collective, to hate stoner revivals...The Sword was awesome. Age of Winters perfectly encapsulated the look, sound and vision of fantasy driven doom metal. Gods Of The Earth did nothing else. The Sword did not loose what they had already achieved, they made the same album. There are a millions things they could have done to make this album "the best album of 2008." Long epics. Serial tracks. Seamless production. Concept driven lyrics. Elaborate artwork... nothing. Even subtle references to awesome fantasy elements (Maiden, Mother and Crone / The Frost Giant's Daughter) could not save the replicated nature of this album. It is so disheartening when popular bands do not heed my advice. I bought a black sword sweatshirt in Reading, PA when The Sword opened for Stoner party band, Clutch. Now my sword sweatshirt is grey after 2 years of constant adornment during the fall and spring seasons. I will still wear it despite everything that has gone down. It reminds me of that time when I saw them in reading. When they debuted their new song "under the boughs" and they promised a new album soon. "awesome," I thought...this will be amazing. Gods Of The Earth is not a bad album, it is a mediocre release from an amazing band. However, the songs just run in place rather than go anywhere. I wanted something grander. Something more alive. I'm not made at you Sword...I'm just disappointed.

81. 2008 Awards

Catchiest Songs Of The Year

Hot Chip - Ready For The Floor

First of all, how did I miss this until a couple of weeks ago and secondly why can' t I get it out of my head? I have never been a fan of Hot Chip, but recently they were featured in Pitchforks Top 40 music videos.Like anything Pitchfork does, this feature was filled with obscure amazing videos from songs that were subpar and forgettable. Hot Chip's "Ready for the Floor was the first video which had a recognizable chorus. Bait and switch. Since viewing it the first time, I have difficult time passing day without listening "Ready For The Floor" atleast twice.

Protest The Hero - Blood Meat

What happens when you take the good parts of Mars Volta and send them hurdling into a wall of hooked metalcore? The answer is a progressive metalcore reaction which has worked out so well, Ive begun defending this band to the internet community. Bloodmeat, from the album fortress, is a structured progression snaking through complicated chords, flashy guitar playing and vocal styles. The song almost wraps so quick you are unaware of the catchiest chorus EVER which looms around a corner. This chorus is so addictive you are hypnotized by its beauty and are unable to see the catchiest bridge outro EVER which lies just over the horizon.

80. Goodbye Police

1977-1984, 1986, 2003, 2007-2008

Alright this is it Police, I am wishing you well. Goodbye Have a safe flight. Please never come back. those strange dates at the bottom have chronicled the unsteady status of the police since 1994. It is like the 6 months it takes to break up with your girlfriend and things are "kinda uncertain." Your officially broken up but your still having awkward sex. I guess we are going out. After their final bow in 1984, they managed to drudge up 3 reunion shows for charity and publicity. Supposedly this is the last one. Fine. Ill give you a wave and a nice gold watch. But I swear to God, if in another 5 years I hear rumors of a reunion, I am writing a stern post in my blog. Ill make you rue the day you crossed KCHoM.

69. Goodbye Hootie And The Blowfish

1986-2008

When I was 14, Cracked Rear View came out much to my protest and disappointment. At the time i was searching for faster, heavier and more obscene music to fit my subversive suburban motif. Hootie And The Blowfish just did not fit with what I was going for because it was light, smooth and unoffensive. It was adult contemporary which trickled into the mainstream. It is alright it happens with every genre from time to time. Aside from "Hold My Hand" being used at every wedding reception from 1994-1996 and "let her cry" unexpecitly making the drunk post grad breakdown sobbing in his living room, the Blowfish's popularity slowly and steadily declined into the new century. Daruis Rucker broke to the news in an AOL exclusive that the band would be splitting so he could pursue a solo country career. Even with a band like this, i find it hard to come up with mean insults. Maybe that is the crux of writting memorials; only remembering the good times. It just makes me think of that summer before 10th grade. God that was a good time. Im so lonley.

58. Goodbye Phantom Planet

1994-2008

Why do I care that Phantom Planet has disbanded. It is not because they are an easy target for ridicule or their passing comes as a big raspberry from people who legitimately thought they were eaten by alligators. My reporting of this tragic story is directed at my brother, Epileptic Peat, who not only enjoys the one song they did, but was also a big fan of the hit television show The OC. I maybe wrong but I also think that George Force was really into this show. I specifically remember a year of my life spend rolling my eyes at their OC conversation when we went out to eat. This blog is not intended to drum up cheap jabs at anyone else for their television viewing. I myself am guilty of watching Survivor, Lost and the first season of Temptation Island. Why all of these shows fit into the island theme I do not know. What was goling on in the OC? really. I know a whole bunch of Indie rock bands were jumping on that show and then being named checked on the Gillmore Girls. Oh phantom Planet. You really cemented your name into one facet of American trivia. I know you tried really hard not to be that OC band but it never worked out. Even though your new album was suppose to be like the Wall...you opted for calling it quits instead. Well then I guess this is it. Thanks for not making that much of a mess. Well clean up after your gone. Goodbye Phantom Planet.

78. Goodbye Quiet Riot

1973-2008

Damn it I did have a ton of jokes lined up for this one but then I learned that the only reason why Hqair Metal titans Quiet Riot ended was the untimely death of their lead singer. What a way to derail my line of comedy. Kevin Dubrow, age 52, died of a cocaine overdose in his Las Vegas home. Reallly? Your still going 110% aren't you? My string of jokes were going to include my shock of learning Quiet Riot could drag themselves through the 90's and a better part of the 2000s. While they still apply, they now have a dkarer tone. Quiet Riot was ever searching for that constant party and it seems that Dubrow's death is testament to the ridiculous ideals of excess and immortality which gilded the 80's. It is easy to see someone enveloped in that world where hair metal is always on top and Dokken, Cinderalla, Autograph and Ratt were kings. I'm sure Quiet Riots fans aged with the band in rapid decline seeing smaller and smaller venues but still having a blast. While the world outside was changing, it was always 1985 inside. Cum on Feel The Noize. I do not get it, and I do not think I ever will

77. Goodbye Toto

1977-2008

Oh I did bless the rains in Africa. 2008 saw the end of Grammy award winning musical group Toto. To be honest I know nothing else from this band other than "Africa," and was shocked and bewildered when I learned they had 17 albums and composed the music to Dune. Holy fuck. Its like your neighbor who dies and only when the landlord goes through their apartment do they find a scale model of Paris made out of gum wrappers in the living room. I was also surprised to learn Toto had a wizard in their band. Toto maybe one of those bands, like T.Rex, who are only known for one song but have a deep breadth of work which baffles the mind. Maybe sometime soon Ill spend a good couple of months listening to every Toto record. I know my brother, Epileptic Peat, will be down....Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. Goodbye Toto. I never knew how awesome you were until you were gone.

76. Goodbye Long Blondes

2004-2008

Oh Long Blondes. So sad to see you go. Even though I missed your last releases and one of your members looks eerily like my ex girlfriend,I still enjoyed your debut release. In fact, I made a mix tape with "giddy stratospheres" which stayed in my tape player for a couple of months. I your guitarist suffered a stroke which has left the band unable to play. I wish you all the best for future endeavors. You and your unique brand of salvation army indie pop will be missed.

Goodbye 2008

As every year end we look back and pay tribute to the ones who could not be with us today. The fallen. Some artists like to make a big exit, others die quietly in the corner. It is like the guy at your party who just left without saying goodbye. All of a sudden you think: Was he not having fun? Did he not like the choice in party theme? Then you find him in the corner. Now I feel bad. So I feel it necessary to take time and pay tribute to the ones who have entertained us for years and suddenly left the party.

75. Lykke Li - Hanging High

From The Album Youth Novels

Fuck damn it I love this song. It is so cute and majestic and sad when it shouldn't be whatsoever. Swedish indie folk singer Li Lykke Timotej Zachrisson has sung her way into my heart with a simple yet effective folk tune " Hanging High". Below is a live video of the song done in the style of the lowfi field recording (A Take Away Show, Black Cab Sessions.); which is super ultra futuristic hip right now. Sometimes field recordings can be downright stupid and other times, like this one, they can be amazing. Even though you cannot here the background singers as well, Lykke Li's voice is still amazing and comparable to a cold swedish siren call.

74. Elbow - The Lonliness of a Tower Crane Driver

From The Album Seldom Seen Kid

There is not much to Elbow. They are a standard British Alternative Rock band who puts out an album every couple of years which incedently have one song which peaks my interest.. every couple of years. "Fugitive Motel" is still near the top of "All Time Best Songs." It is important to mention that the Seldom Seen Kid is a spectacular album and actually has a few singles which could of taken the place of "the loneliness of a "Tower Crane Driver." While "Auidence With The Pope" is a narcotic pop smash hit, its structure lacked something that "Tower Crane" had; which is the constant winding of tension. It is that aspect which compliments the opiate voice of Guy Garvey and makes this song trot ahead in the Elbow race. Below is a fan interpretation of Tower Crane Driver, which...isn't...that...bad...of....a...video; if you are into minimalism.

73. Genghis Tron - Board Up The House

From The Album Board Up The House

Holy fuck its Genghis Tron; that wacky electro grindocre band from Philadelphia. I have enjoyed the more moody, structured route they have been carving in their LPs. My friends still remember them for the spastic mess that was the Cloak Of Love/Cape Of Hate EPs. While I really enjoy Genghis tron, I found Board Up The House difficult to embrace and fully get into because of its emotional complexity. Because songs are so far from what they used to be (laser bitch, Rock Candy) they require solo listens which can be difficult and trying. While the album is hazy and uncertain, the opener is phenomenal. If I was going to draw a picture to accompany this song it would be a runner in full track regalia lightly walking and breaking into a light jog mid stride; the runner breaks into higher gears almost systematically until someone ignites him on fire. This minor disturbance does not phase the runner as he continues his morning workout through a crowded urban setting..fully engulfed in flames.

72. Epileptic Peat- Horror Suite

From The Album Ghost Notes

The Exorcist
Friday The 13th
Hellraiser
Halloween
Candyman

It is no secret that Epileptic Peat is related to me by blood and we did have to share a room till we were both in middle school. It is also no secret that he is a co host on my famous movie podcast/blog Out Of Commission. It is also no secret that this blog is new, not famous and is read by tens of people, so there is no reason to play Nicholas Nepotism. Through all of the rearrangements Epileptic Peat has done with television intros (90210,Quantumn Leap, Night Court) video game backdrops (Marble Madness, Dr. Mario, Jurassic Park) and movie scores (Batman, TMNT, Cannibal Holocaust), I have always enjoyed the sounds of classic horror themes. One of the first solid incantations of the horror theme was his first "horror suite" released on Ghost Notes in the fall. The very long and complex medley runs through the obscure and popular sounds of well known films from the late 70s to early 90's spliced with dialogue samples. It is fair to mention this song and the popular culture arrangements are only a fraction of the work epileptic peat does, but damn, this is an amazing song. The sound is raw and minimal and sounds like a tribute from a frenzied horror enthusiast who mixed mastered and recorded this in a sweltering Brooklyn apartment.